How My Dad Got Funny

It happened one day in November of 2003, just after I had returned home from the hospital after having my appendix removed. It was an unplanned surgery, as you can imagine, and my parents had driven the 125 miles from their house to mine to help me for a few days.

The appendix attack was perfectly timed to interfere with a major move to another city the following week. I hadn't even started packing but I had saved my boxes from the last move and Mom and Dad had to get them out and pack them. It took them four days and all I could do was encourage and direct. And laugh!

Somehow, starting with his grousing about my coffee maker the first morning, Dad became the funniest man on earth. I had to hang onto the counter and my tummy so I wouldn't hurt myself laughing! Almost everything he said and did for the next four days was hysterically funny. I was a laughter casualty, roaring, slapping my legs, dropping to the floor and asking, "How did it happen? When did you get so funny? And how did I manage to not notice this my whole life?!"

The transformation in my dour, practical, dry dad was amazing. Turns out he totally enjoyed being thought of as Funny Guy after a lifetime of Serious Guy. We all knew that my laughter attacks had everything to do with recovery from anesthesia and nothing to do with actual humor and yet we all had so much fun with it!

Funny Guy stayed with us for several years after that and we loved him and laughed at him and, in the end, he gave us all something to remember and talk about during that last painful year before he died.

This story goes to show that we all have a terrifically funny person inside us and sometimes all we need is for someone else to come along and release them. It's never too late to stop and laugh and it almost never requires anesthesia.

Happy New Year --- 2010!

New Year's resolutions are tricky! They're so fun to make and so easy to break and that's why I resolved to stop making them years ago. Now I'm wondering where the issue is and why it's so hard to fulfill New Year's resolutions.

A friend of mine has resolved to stop smoking, cold turkey, at midnight tonight. He hasn't done any planning, hasn't cut down, isn't going to use patches or gum or a support group. I'm standing by to see what happens. I'd love it if he succeeds but the odds are stacked against him. It takes more than a date on the calendar to undo 40 years of addiction!

My son has resolved to be more responsible with the small details of his life and stop avoiding them. He doesn't appear to have a plan for how to do that, just a vague idea that a pocket calendar will do the trick. There too, I'm standing by to see what happens.

As for me, even though I don't consider it a New Year's resolution, I intend to be more active with blog posts. It's so easy to think about writing but harder to actually sit down and do it. I figure I can ease my way into it by committing to one blog post a week, thus increasing my blogger productivity by 1000% without too much effort.

But what's my plan to make that one blog post per week a reality? I'll watch for things to blog about in my journal writing and in my life experiences. I'll remember that I don't have to write a book, just a blog post, a few paragraphs or maybe a little more will do the trick.

So here's my commitment: Every Friday I will get a new blog post up and then announce it to my list and my Facebook friends and fans.

And then I'll stand by to see what happens as I take action on this intention! An action plan should take the trickiness out of New Year's resolutions.

Please share your comments or ideas on this timely subject!

Instructions for Happiness in 2010

My dad died last January at the the age of 80 and I created this refrigerator magnet as an anniversary gift of sorts, honoring his transition.

All his life, my dad struggled with health issues and highly negative thought patterns. He contracted rheumatic fever in his early teens which weakened his heart. He worked hard as a laborer, specializing in concrete for buildings and highways, and by 1997, his poor heart had had enough and he had open heart surgery and 2 new artificial valves installed. In 2000, depression hit hard and he decided to throw in the towel on life.

Giving up living is easy but actually exiting is hard. He was very vocal about his desire to die and he complained incessantly for the next 8 years.

In April of 2008, Dad took a turn for the worse and went into the hospital. Mom asked me to come help because it looked like he was finally going to get his wish. I drove the 250 miles to their town and settled in for 7 of his 10 days in the hospital. I spent most of my time with him, stayed the night a few times to help the nurses --- turned out Dad was still plenty strong, too strong to let go AND he was a terrible patient, couldn't be made comfortable, complained all the time about everything. He drove the nurses crazy.

The morning after one of those long, bad nights, I snapped. I couldn't take it any more! I delivered a detailed lecture on quantum theory, Law of Attraction and the power of thoughts at 6am in a quiet hospital room in Eastern Oregon. Near the end of the lecture, I wrote these instructions on the dry erase board handily hanging on the wall at the end of his bed where he had to look at it day and night:

Feel Better --- Start NOW!

1) Stop Complaining
2) Count Your Blessings
3) Say Thank you

We went over the details of each step, how complaining had become a habit that he didn't notice anymore and how a lifetime of complaining had given him a life to complain about. We held up our fingers and started counting blessings and even in his condition there were many! He agreed to say thank you to every person who walked into his room because the only reason they were there was to help him in some way.

I left the instructions on the board for the rest of his stay. I can't say that he had an amazing turn-around in his health but his complaining dropped off considerably, he willingly participated in blessing-counting sessions and he said thank you so often to everyone, the hospital staff commented and were amazed. The nurses asked if they could write those steps on everyone's boards and we all laughed, knowing it wasn't possible.

He lived another 10 months after that and he practiced the steps even when it was hard. He said thank you more in that 10 months then he had in the 80 years before and I was very proud of him. His last words to me were "I love you, dear." What a treasure!

I've thought of that morning lecture many times since then and I'm often tempted to be sorry for it. After all, he was a sick old man in a hospital bed and he couldn't get away from me. However, that event changed both of our lives and I'm forever grateful for whatever power inspired the words and the energy that poured out of me that morning.

I've shared this story verbally many times and those who have taken up the practice have experienced benefits. It's pretty easy to count blessings and say thank you but stopping the complaining is really hard! It's become a part of our culture to complain, judge and criticize everything around us. The trick seems to be training ourselves to notice when we're doing it, to actually hear what we're saying and/or thinking.

Thank you for reading this story and sharing in the magic gift that came from my dad's last struggles. This story is my gift to him. And this magnet is our gift to you.

by Randy Sandknop

To get your magnet (up to 5), send me a private message ( http://www.facebook.com/randysandknop ) with your address and I'll mail it out. The stamp is on me! See the details in the Event section of the Practice Happiness! fan page, My Gift To YOU!

Get Inspired!

Benjamin Zander is my new favorite teacher! Give yourself the gift of 30 minutes to watch this fabulous video!

@ Yahoo! Video

Video: Why Are We Happy?

Amazing TedTalks video, a MUST SEE!

Playing time: 21 minutes

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html

Thought Training ... using mantras in a busy life

I opened my journal and sat there for a minute listening for the first thing to write and a little song popped into my head:

"Blue skies, shinning on me, nothing but blue skies can I see..."

How fun!

In 1994 I started journaling and every day I faithfully followed my thoughts down a negative path and wrote it all down. Since writing is magical, I never failed to find insights, inspiration and hope, but the changes I was looking for took many years --- it was a slow, grueling process.

In March of 2005 I began using mantras. My first mantra was "Think good thoughts" and I used it whenever I heard my thoughts go grumbling down a negative track. It's so easy to jump on a negative train of thought and ride it to the end of the line, except there is no end. Day after day, year after year, I stayed on that train, rumbling through the bleak landscape of negativity. I didn't know that intentionally changing my thoughts was my ticket to a new train with better scenery and a happier destination.

And it was so simple! Training myself to hear my thoughts was the tricky part. Negative thoughts made me feel so bad and that became my cue to listen in and pay attention. Then my power of choice kicked in and I could decide to stay on that train or jump off.

Mantras were the key --- my ticket --- to a different train.

I would start by repeating my mantra (my new decision, Think Good Thoughts) over and over, 20 to 30 times, and then I would look around and ask out loud, "OK, where is one?" (a good thought) and one always popped in. Often the new thought came disguised as a yellow flower in the sunlight or big, puffy clouds in a bright blue sky or the smell of fresh rain on dirt. Sometimes it came as freckles across the nose of a smiling child. Or it came as the sound of people laughing together.

Mostly, at the the beginning, it amazed me how quickly I could change my thoughts and how many wonderful things surrounded me that I hadn't noticed before. I didn't have to change locations to feel better. I didn't have to drink something, eat something, take a pill or talk to someone. It was all right there, readily available with a quick change of focus. Magic, I tell you! The past four years I feel like I've been riding a rocket to a whole new planet. It took no time at all to consciously retrain my thoughts and they've lead to joyful places and wonder-filled landscapes.

The best part is, I can arrange my mantras to fit different situations. Sometimes they're short and sweet, other times a little longer and more specific. If I find myself worrying about someone, I say things like:

• "I love and trust in Sally's ability to manage her own life."
• "I love and trust that Toby is having valuable experiences."
• "I love and trust in Barbara's ability to be resourceful."

If I'm worrying about something in my own life, I say things like:

• "I trust that I always have plenty of money."
• "I deserve to have what I really want."
• "Good things come to me easily."

I know these sound like simple affirmations, but when repeated over and over, they become mantras and have the power to take your thoughts to a much better-feeling place.

The magic mantra for this year has been, "All experience has value"and it covers everything. I no longer have to judge and criticize people or situations, no worry about anything or anyone is required.This mantra releases me to focus on the benefits of every experience and the value of everyone.

The beauty of mantras is that you don't have to do a lot of homework, you don't have to write out your past or list all the people who keep you stuck. Mantras are a right here, right now tool. They can be done anywhere, any time. All you need is a willingness to notice what train you're on and a desire to jump off! Mantras will provide you with a soft transition.

What a blessing!

Randy Sandknop

Time and Deadlines

Years ago, I had a cleaning and painting business.
I worked for property managers and I had a small window of opportunity to get into each unit I was hired for and get it ready for the new tenant. It paid well for the hours allotted, but I found I wasn't fast. I cared too much what the end result looked like. I simply could not make myself do a crummy job and that's all I was given time for. I never missed a deadline but I was constantly stressed by the crunch feeling. I grew to hate it.

I started resenting and grumbling while I worked, then it grew to a running resistance going on in my thoughts all the time, even when I wasn't working. Even today, that thought pattern can come up if I'm doing similar work, like when I painted my new house last year. I caught it very early and had a blast painting, even with a tight timeframe. Thoughts are everything, as you know.

Nowadays I know more about myself (because of that experience and others like it) and I work plenty of time into my projects. I let people know that a great job takes more time then a crummy job and it costs more. I only work with people who are interested in quality. Plus, I deserve the time it takes to do my best work!

We perfectionists create interesting times for ourselves when we try to fit our style into someone else's time frame. Remember that all experience has value, and with practice, we can do a great job faster. But only if we keep a positive thought process going as we do the work.

Randy Sandknop©2008